[SpookyZalost]

paint.net?... gimp is a decent graphical editor, combining it with inkscape makes it scary powerful.

for media playback, there's always the universally compatible VLC, it's on most OS's these days including android.

for archive extraction... you can actually do most of that from within the terminal, though usually the OS has it built into the GUI so you don't need special software.

for privacy browsing I'm sure there's some form of equivalent, if you really want to go extreme though you could always boot the Tails Distro, or maybe tinfoil hat linux, they both run off a flash drive.
not sure what moviejack is.