[SpookyZalost]

hey here's a good one I just pulled off that site from 2009.

This is a Russian text with the title "what would have been if people drove the cars the way they work with computers". Sorry if there are translation mistakes - I have little car knowledge.

Tech support call.
Tech: Driver tech support. How may I serve you?
Driver: This My car doesn t start.
T: I see. What is the car s brand name, model, manufacture year?
D: I Don t know. I bought it to get to the market, why would I give a d***
T: Alright, alright, relax. Let s try to fix it without this information (sigh). Is there any fuel in the tank?
D: Hmm Fuel, you say How would I know?
T: look at the control panel. Where does the arrow point, E or F ?
D: Where is the control panel?
T: It should be tight behind the steering wheel, if you are sitting in the driver s chair.
D: Ah! I see... There are a lot of arrows here, which one should I look at?
T: Look at the one which has E or F written near it. There might be a gas station drawn near it as well.
D: Ahhh! I see. The arrow points at zero.
T: What do you mean zero?
D: Yes! Right at zero. And there is also x1000 written near the arrow. Is that the model of the car? X-1000?
T: (a deep sigh while rolling his eyes). No, that s not the fuel, that s the tachometer. It is supposed to point at zero if the car is not started. The fuel indicator is usually to the left and smaller that the tachometer, and it should have E written upon it, then a semicircle, then F .
D: Ahhh. I see, I see! The arrow is between E and F
T: Excellent! Then we know at least that you have fuel. Now let s check the battery. Do you see the steering wheel?
D: Yeah.
T: Press right in the middle of it
D: (A loud beep) Hey! Is it supposed to do that?
T: (rolls his eyes). Everything is allright, that s your honk. If it works, then the battery is fine. Now let s try to start the car.
D: Well, d***, I m telling you it doesn t start. That s why I m calling, moron.
T: (grits his teeth), Still, let s try again! Press the clutch pedal, press the brakes, and turn the key.
D: Hey-hey! From the beginning. Where is this catch pedal ?
T: CLUTCH under the steering wheel on the left. Did you find it?
D: Found it.
T: Press it down as far as it goes. Good. Now, do you see two pedals under the steering wheel to the right?
D: Yeah.
T: the one on the left is the brake. Press it. Did you?
D: Done.
T: Now turn the key in the ignition.
D: How would I do that, if I have both hands busy?
T: Excuse me?
D: I am pressing with the left hand on the catch, the right hand on the brake, how the hell am I supposed to turn the key?
T: (chokes from laughter). Allright, let s try again, but this time, press the pedals with your feet.
D: Feet? Is that possible?
T: (still chokes from laughter). Yes, it is.
D: Let s try Hey, that s much easier Why didn t you tell me right away?.. (some fuss is heard). Allright, I pressed it.
T: Now turn the key in the ignition.
D: Where is the ignition?
T: In the base of the steering wheel, to the right.
D: Hmmm. I have the hole, but there is no key there.
T: Well, put it in.
D: What?
T: (loses his patience) The ignition key!
D: How would I know which one is the ignition key?
T: (grabs his head) It is usually the biggest key in the bunch.
D: The bunch.
T: Yes, where you keep the rest of the keys.
D: Ahhh! Well, I lost it two days ago. So what, I need a key?
T: (throws down the receiver). Beeeeep
D: Hello???