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Condescending people...

#1
I make every effort not to be. I know I ain't perfect. I sure I am at times, just like anyone else, but it truly is one of my biggest pet peeves. 

Some people just have an inbred need to feel "better" than the people around them. They can't stand the idea of just being equals. Fighting that at work at the moment. A new person tryna be the straw boss and tell everyone else what to do. It's not flying too well with anyone except for my boss. 

That being said, you can't escape these people. They'll be everywhere in some form or another. 

How do you guys handle narcissistic people such as these?
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#2
My grandmother is a total narcissist, but she also holds her family to insane standards. She was a nurse and a social worker, but the moment I was diagnosed with any form of mental illness (I have a number of them) she would be in full denial because obviously no family member of her's can be less than perfect since she's absolutely perfect. -.- She treats most of us like dirt and pins us against each other, she's always demanding things be her way even when it's hurting someone else... especially me. She can't seem to understand why I don't want to go to her house now that my uncle, who sexually harasses me, is always there. She's just... ugh.

Honestly, I mostly avoid her. I'll talk to her on holidays for a short period, but that's it. I just can't deal with her bullshit. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like something you can do in your position. I hope things start to look brighter soon!
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#3
I hate people like this. I avoid people like this when I can, even family members.

Right now my boss is half this way. He is smart, but boy everybody WILL KNOW IT. Its half he talks about. The only saving grace is he can back it up, its just annoying.

(February 21st, 2020 at 11:41 PM)Juneberry Wrote: My grandmother is a total narcissist, but she also holds her family to insane standards. She was a nurse and a social worker, but the moment I was diagnosed with any form of mental illness (I have a number of them) she would be in full denial because obviously no family member of her's can be less than perfect since she's absolutely perfect. -.- She treats most of us like dirt and pins us against each other, she's always demanding things be her way even when it's hurting someone else... especially me. She can't seem to understand why I don't want to go to her house now that my uncle, who sexually harasses me, is always there. She's just... ugh.

Honestly, I mostly avoid her. I'll talk to her on holidays for a short period, but that's it. I just can't deal with her bullshit. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like something you can do in your position. I hope things start to look brighter soon!

That's terrible. Undecided
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#4
I hear that dumb saying all the time, "violence isn't the answer" but shit I've found violence to work pretty well, to be honest. Like, no need to actually hit anyone, but the threat of violence tends to straighten people out pretty d*** quickly. I'm pretty big, 190lb 6'2 and relatively buff (used to do TaeKwonDo and have a black belt) so if someone (whom I don't know) is being a prick, I get in their face (within one foot) and ask them if they know who I am.

Usually, the answer is 'no.'

Then I ask how they'll file a police report without my name after I clock them so hard they can't remember what I look like.

Don't need to yell, don't need to make a huge scene. Just get close, ask those two questions, and whatever general a** goes on stops pretty quickly. Never actually had to get in a fight over that. I have gotten in fights for other reasons (I spend most of my time in the really low-income areas of my town, so people are even willing to pull a knife on you if they ask for a dart and you tell them you don't smoke) but nothing as a result of just scaring someone into submission to get them to shut the f*** up.



If they do know me, different story, and really depends on the situation. Violence works if you've also got people behind you. When I lived in residence for university, you'd encounter a bunch of pricks here and there, but instead of just talking, you'd just mask up and bang it out, or find other ways to send the message. Nothing ever too serious, but maybe grab the guy by the collar, push him against the wall and tell him that his sense of superiority won't stop your fist from going through his skull. Maybe just lace his food with THC distillate (as if you were making edibles, but less weed taste and much higher concentration) then lock him in a dark, quiet room to make him think he's dying for a couple hours.

Realistically, none of these pricks have many people (if any at all) in their social circle, and if they do, then those people are also like them. Simply isolating them from your own social circle is what works best if it's someone that you can easily avoid. If they're complete narcissists, they'll just think there's something wrong with you for not wanting to hang out, then move on to someone else. You can't change their ways, but you can at least have nothing to do with it yourself this way.

At the end of the day, it's either you send the message in a way that it'll get received (i.e. f*** around and you'll have a nice medical bill to show for it) or just get away from the whole thing. Up to you to decide which path to take, but option one works much better for me since I'm big enough for it and as a result of it happening, I don't need to go out of my way of daily life to avoid someone or whatever.



I don't think that people don't know how to deal with narcissists. Almost every single person I know has problems with a narcissist in their families, and knows exactly what they have to do to get away from it, but no one actually has the mentality and dedication to get away from it. Take some girl I met at my old job. Her grandmother lives with the family and thinks she's entitled to everything just because she's old and the whole family has to take care of her or she'll die. So, conversations with this girl look sort of like this:
Quote:Me: *sends some stupid meme about buddhism or something*
Her: Why is my grandma such a bitch
Her:*ten or so texts complaining about some convo she had with grandma and grandma calling her useless, disgrace to family, 'when i was your age, i was a year older!' etc. etc. typical bullshit*
Me: So uhhhhhh why did you start talking to her in the first place, or why didn't you just walk away after she started giving you shit
Her: because she's my grandmother and I can't do that
Me: If you let a shitty person be shitty, they will continue being shitty because they can get away with it. Don't talk to her.
Her: Yeah, you're right.

*Fast forward a couple days*

Me: *sending some meme about esoteric orthodox/abrahamic christianity or some stupid shit*
Her: Why is my grandma such a bitch
Her: *You know where this is going, no recap needed.*
Me: So, uhhhhh, what happened to not talking to her
Her: But I have to, everyone in my family sucks up to herrrr :'(
Me: Literally just get up and walk away, she's stuck to her chair anyway.

Or something of that nature.
People need some more attitude outside of just dickriding people who are shitty. Just say no. Get up from your seat and walk away, physically. Not a difficult concept, and people get that, but somehow they just lack the actual will to do so.

If you think you're like this, practice this now:
1. Keep your feet planted on the floor in front of you.
2. Extend your legs while keeping your feet flat on the floor so that your a** gets off the seat you are on.
3. Straighten out your back, good posture is good for you.
4. Put one leg in front of the other and take a few steps.
5. Turn 360 degrees and walk backwards out of the room you are in.

These five simple steps are literally all it takes to get away from 95% of people who give you shit. Not quite one-size-fits-all, but it's pretty d*** close and works way more often than people like to think or admit. I know that's roughly the success rate I've had with this strategy.
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#5
if it helps, Violence as a last resort is a much better statement.

because it's usually better to walk away than let someone get to you.

Just remember that they aren't you, their view is always going to be different, colored by their own experiences, and that makes them who and what they are.

and unfortunately most people are resistant to change.

so talk about it, accept their an idiot, walk away, and if they escalate, violence to restrain/stop someone rather than harm is usually all it takes, kill as a last resort.
"I reject your reality and subsitute my own." - Adam Savage, Mythbusters
[Image: 5.jpg]
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#6
Well said @Lain and @SpookyZalost.

I pretty much just try to let fools play a fools game. Sometimes I lose in the short run. But the long run is what matters, and they feel about six inches tall when they finally see that you're the one who got away, and they were the ones who were toxic in the end.

Narcissism is on such a large spectrum that it's really kinda hard to truly draw the line. It's a term that's thrown around so often that you would think at least 50% of people are narcissist by the time you hear about it all. The actual statistic is closer to about 6% on the high end, and closer to 1-2% on the low end. Realistically, many people have traits of it, but most of them aren't on the extreme end of it. I mean, honestly, we all have at least *some* traits of it, even if we're on the mildest end of it. It exists on a spectrum.

The only way to really avoid getting tied up in it is to draw the line early and to draw it hard in the sand. Once you get involved in it, it's hard to get out. But everything they say and everything that they think comes from within them, and it has nothing to do with anything or anyone else.

My strategy isn't really violence, per se. It's more of the "I'm going to humiliate you in front of everyone, just the way you did with me." That was my strategy with bullies. I'd let them get really comfortable with doing it to me. Then I'd find the right moment, stand up, and give it right back to them in front of everyone. It never failed once. Every single time I did it out in the open, it was the last time I ever heard a word from them.

These kinds of people are weak on the inside. They wish they had the strength to let things go like we do. Deep down, they're just broken people, and that's where it all stems from.
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#7
I confronted her today. In front of my boss... I didn't hold anything back. It's been weird ever since. Finna Tongue
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#8
(February 27th, 2020 at 1:44 AM)Darth-Apple Wrote: I confronted her today. In front of my boss... I didn't hold anything back. It's been weird ever since. Finna Tongue
Nice! You'll have to let us know how it keeps up. Big Grin
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#9
We shall see. She definitely took it personally. My boss is kinda... he has no idea how to handle any of it. And I don't want to get involved in it, but it went too far and I had to say something.

She is especially condescending to some of the younger people we have. One of them is a great worker, just got out of high school, and is otherwise fantastic. She tried to make him out to be "slow" and "special." That's when I lost it.

Not on my watch. Not on my watch at all.
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#10
That's great! I love when people like that have a reckoning moment. Big Grin
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